Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
