So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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