My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
