Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize