i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
