i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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