My room smells like vodka and shame
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
