There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
