this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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