i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
