I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I want a musical about memes.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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