Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize