i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i believe in u and ur pee
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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