Well douche your snatch and let's go!
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
