Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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