seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
