I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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