So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
