im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Randomize
