If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
