My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
