alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
