Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize