Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
