Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
