I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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