So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
