college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
