I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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