Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
