We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
