Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
