I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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