This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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