i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
