we have pet lesbian snakes
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
