yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
