Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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