my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
