I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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