I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He felt like a one man threesome
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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