i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
