Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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