You just made me feel so damn special
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
And then he peed in my hair
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