You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
