She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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