oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize