3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
