Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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