I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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