how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Randomize
