Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
