yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
