I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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