in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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