p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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