what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
