Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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