oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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