I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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