she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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