at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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