Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
