Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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