I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
